I have had a lot of hardships in my life. Social anxiety that I never told anyone about because I thought it was a "weak" thing to do. Depression that caused crying in the shower that hid the tears from my mom. I acted happy. I acted like everything would be alright. But that was the furthest thing from the truth.
The kid I was in high school doesn't exist anymore, but I can still feel who he was deep down inside, and the feelings and emotions I can remember on the drop of a penny.
It is seven years after high school and I am now 25 years old. I look at that as being a quarter of a century. Everyone else looks at it like "you have your whole life ahead of you." I ask myself if I wasted seven years of my life. I started college right after high school, but I still didn't care. I was going into mechanical engineering and I thought it would make me happy eventually. I was taking all these math and physics classes which I loved, but I never had the motivation to do well. "Maybe this isn't for me" I thought. But I finally got my associates degree after three and a half years of half ass-ing it and taking a couple semesters off. I felt accomplished and told everybody how hard I had worked and how I did this and that, but there I am lying about myself again. I thought "well, do I half ass it some more and get my bachelors? I can then get a good paying job that I don't like, but at least I will be financial secure." So, I applied to a four year university. "I got in, would you look at that?"
Everyone was so happy, telling me they are so proud. I didn't care if people were proud of me or not. I wanted to be proud of me!!! Why wasn't I? I am 22 years old and I have absolutely no f*cking idea what I want to do with my life. That's why. Plus, everyone I went to high school with was already graduating with a four year degree. I am at the end of the line just like I have always felt. I went from mechanical engineering to just math because I wanted to teach. Sure I am good at math, but there are just so many times you can go to class, learn some new material come home and do the homework. I hated the repetition. I was a mess. I started not to care even more, which I didn't think was even possible. I was 4 classes away from my math degree, but I was having problems in my relationship at the time, which was never good for me, but I refused to admit it. So, I wasted yet another year by dealing with a breakup and no motivation. 24 years old and I am still in school. My life is going nowhere fast. I was falling apart in every aspect of my life.
Through all of that, I never went to therapy. I never told my parents about any of it. I was scared what they would think. I helped myself by reading self help books and blogs based on other people's experiences. I tried my hardest to learn how to be the person I really am. I picked up hobbies along the way. I actually got really interested in learning the stock market. I am always trying to better myself. I can always be improving in something. I was truly invested in this. I saw my confidence go up. I recently switched my major to finance because of it. Even though I have a year and a half to go, I know I will be successful because I am determined to get what I want. Bettering myself was a slow process each and every day. I found out that I love to help people. I have always been really good with money, so why not become a personal financial advisor I thought. I was on the right path finally. This is what I want to do!!!
In order to live in alignment with the highest version of yourself you need to reinvent yourself. This is for everybody who has had similar experiences. Everybody who has had social anxiety and/or depression. For everybody who doesn't believe in themselves. I had to give a back story in order for any of this next part to make sense. How do you live as your greatest self?
How to live in alignment with the highest version of yourself
- Do more of what you like
This one is the easiest. Do you like to draw or write? Play an instrument? Whatever it is that you like doing, do more of it. Set aside an addition 15-20 min a day to indulge in what you like doing. It might not seem like much, but in a years time, 20 minutes a day adds up to a little over five days.
There is a quote by Kerouac that says, "In the end, you wont remember the time you spent in the office or mowing the lawn. Climb that goddamn mountain."
You will only remember the things you liked doing. So why not do more of it?
There is a quote by Kerouac that says, "In the end, you wont remember the time you spent in the office or mowing the lawn. Climb that goddamn mountain."
You will only remember the things you liked doing. So why not do more of it?
- Worry less about pleasing others
This one can be tricky because there are times we need validation to know that the decisions we are making are "right"... that is to say in accordance with the best version of ourselves... or at least, won't send us to our own personal hells. So usually, we look for that validation in other people, someone to say, "You're great, and unique, and wonderful." And you are all of those things, but you don't need someone else to tell you. Anyway, real validation from others comes only when you can look yourself in the eye and know you're doing your best, and believing that you are great, and unique, and wonderful.
You'll know you're on the right track when you start to notice synchronies, like when you talk about a song you haven't heard in years and then it comes on the radio, when you think of an old friend and then they contact you. How about when you notice that you're starting to feel better about yourself because you believed it could happen?
I am not saying this is magic. I'm saying that you are what you pay attention to, so noticing coincidence is really just about being present in this exact moment + tapping into your full potential.
Hearing sympathy is all fine and well. People will speak their opinions and say what they want to say and truly mean it, but you just have to know that you don't need that sympathy or validation. You're fine on your own.
So you don't need anyone to tell you that you're right or wrong, or what you should or shouldn't do. Just strive to be your greatest version and do your best not to harm anyone else in the process. Everything else will follow.
You'll know you're on the right track when you start to notice synchronies, like when you talk about a song you haven't heard in years and then it comes on the radio, when you think of an old friend and then they contact you. How about when you notice that you're starting to feel better about yourself because you believed it could happen?
I am not saying this is magic. I'm saying that you are what you pay attention to, so noticing coincidence is really just about being present in this exact moment + tapping into your full potential.
Hearing sympathy is all fine and well. People will speak their opinions and say what they want to say and truly mean it, but you just have to know that you don't need that sympathy or validation. You're fine on your own.
So you don't need anyone to tell you that you're right or wrong, or what you should or shouldn't do. Just strive to be your greatest version and do your best not to harm anyone else in the process. Everything else will follow.
- Chase experiences rather than money
You could be the richest person in the world and have nothing to tell, or the poorest person and have endless life stories. One focuses on money and the other focuses on living life. Money is great and monetary fulfillment is an excellent goal to have, but you can't chase money just to find out you wasted your life doing so. My personal definition of success is how much you can acquire that can't be replaced. Things like a family one day. People in your life that you love and care for. How you make people feel is the most valuable currency there is. Things of this nature.
Materialistic things are nice, but you can replace cars, houses, jobs, money. I want things that no one will ever be able to replace.
Think about your direct bodily experience in life. No one can lie to you about that. How many hours a day do you spend in front of a television screen? A computer screen? A phone screen? How much of your life comes at you through a screen, vicariously while you sit there and watch? Is watching things as exciting as doing things? Do you have enough time to do all the things you want to do? Do you think to yourself independently, or do you take others' word for truth? Who or what controls your minutes or hours? The very minutes and hours that make up your life.
Can you put a value on a beautiful day? How many dollars and hour salary does it take for you to stay inside for eight hours five days a week to sell things or file some papers for someone else? What will you get later that will make up for this day of your life? How often does your happiness come into conjunction with buying something? Do you have ideas or do ideas have you?
The point is, people are buying your happiness from you. Steal it back and experience life. Don't let money be an issue all the time, take random road trips, skydive, run a marathon... just don't settle for something you hate no matter how much they pay you.
I once watched a bird hop from branch to branch, heading for berries at the top of a tree. It didn't look back at the path it came from, or worry about how it would get back from where it was going. It didn't ask other birds the best way to get there. It just went in pursuit of what it needed.
Go after what you need.
Materialistic things are nice, but you can replace cars, houses, jobs, money. I want things that no one will ever be able to replace.
Think about your direct bodily experience in life. No one can lie to you about that. How many hours a day do you spend in front of a television screen? A computer screen? A phone screen? How much of your life comes at you through a screen, vicariously while you sit there and watch? Is watching things as exciting as doing things? Do you have enough time to do all the things you want to do? Do you think to yourself independently, or do you take others' word for truth? Who or what controls your minutes or hours? The very minutes and hours that make up your life.
Can you put a value on a beautiful day? How many dollars and hour salary does it take for you to stay inside for eight hours five days a week to sell things or file some papers for someone else? What will you get later that will make up for this day of your life? How often does your happiness come into conjunction with buying something? Do you have ideas or do ideas have you?
The point is, people are buying your happiness from you. Steal it back and experience life. Don't let money be an issue all the time, take random road trips, skydive, run a marathon... just don't settle for something you hate no matter how much they pay you.
I once watched a bird hop from branch to branch, heading for berries at the top of a tree. It didn't look back at the path it came from, or worry about how it would get back from where it was going. It didn't ask other birds the best way to get there. It just went in pursuit of what it needed.
Go after what you need.
- Make time for yourself
It doesn't matter if your purpose is altruism or making three million
dollars and living on an island. Just strive for what makes you happy
because anything else is a waste of time. Everyone needs alone time. Get out in nature. Surrounding yourself in nature is therapeutic. It recharges the mind in ways that are needed from to much time in society. You can learn a lot from what you observe. So make some time for yourself and let go of some mental debris, you'll be surprised at the clarity you feel afterwards.
- Have confidence
Having confidence is super easy, but it is looked at as being something hard to master. I use to be terrified to ask girls out or even start conversations with them. I use to dread job interviews because my voice would tremble. I use to actually believe I wasn't good enough to be someones boyfriend even though I am the guy who would actually pick you up at your door with flowers, open the car door for you and pull your chair out at a restaurant. I have always had a lot of love to give and for the longest time I thought that made me weak. I try to keep romance alive and I don't care who sees it. I can't live my life not being true to what I believe.
Next time you want to ask someone out say to yourself "The worst that can happen is they say no." Next time you have a job interview say to yourself "The worst that can happen is I don't get the job, but I will still be successful."
The point I am trying to make is, no matter what happens, always believe in yourself. When you truly believe in yourself, the confidence will be there. Don't say things like "What if I don't get the job?" or "What if they don't want to go out with me?" By saying things like this you are setting yourself up for failure and in turn your confidence will go down dramatically.
Always believe things will work out in every situation, and when they don't, know that they will next time.
Next time you want to ask someone out say to yourself "The worst that can happen is they say no." Next time you have a job interview say to yourself "The worst that can happen is I don't get the job, but I will still be successful."
The point I am trying to make is, no matter what happens, always believe in yourself. When you truly believe in yourself, the confidence will be there. Don't say things like "What if I don't get the job?" or "What if they don't want to go out with me?" By saying things like this you are setting yourself up for failure and in turn your confidence will go down dramatically.
Always believe things will work out in every situation, and when they don't, know that they will next time.
- Surround yourself with positive people
By doing this you're going to start to feel better almost immediately. Have you ever noticed that crews of positive thinking people come up together? It is not a coincidence that many successful people knew each other BEFORE success was evident. Your vibe attracts your tribe, and when you're being generous with your time and talent, you're going to get that back tenfold because people will benefit from what you can't use, and it return give you the resources they have to share. Karma is a real thing and the decisions you make can be tremendously powerful, even those seemingly little ones. Positivity is extremely contagious.
Positive mind + Positive environment = Positive life
- Remember that fear is an illusion
It's scary. Suddenly we find ourselves staring into the eyes of strangers, but our hearts long to connect with them, perhaps to feel what's been lost. People are so unique, and despite how they treat you, what they have to offer is priceless to this unfolding story we call "Our Lives."
We forget. We lose sight of whats so important, only to be bitterly reminded. Love of life. Love of fright. Love of uncertainty. Embrace it all and take it in stride each day, happy and sad, comes to pass, just like the weather. Right here. Right now. I love it when my mind wanders, but I know now that it's important to bring it back. I think of who I was. Who I am. What I'm doing, which is still largely a wonder, but I have realized that's alright.
Let your own humanity guide you to letting go of the fear that comes next. Just be here. Please don't fret when you're alone and scared. Everything is fine. You are loved. There is something that fights within you even if you don't know what that something is yet. Don't ever let fear hold you back from what is in your heart. This world needs more compassion. Be that change. Be that action. Be that change that makes that action happen.
You got this. Even if you don't realize it. You have a brand new day ahead, so fight your demons and ditch your fears. Remember that more important than trying to get "there" is being thankful to be "here."
- See the best in people and yourself
Why are so many people hung up on looks these days? Sometimes society and other people tell us that be to beautiful we have to look a certain way. There's a lot of unhealthy trends that make us talk about others and feel bad about ourselves. We don't have to let those things affect us; don't ever let anyone else make you believe you aren't beautiful. Practice being kind to others. Smile when you look in the mirror. What you consider flaws are just things you haven't appreciated yet.
Don't judge someone based on their looks. They could be the nicest person in the world, but you didn't talk to them because...they weren't pretty or handsome?
If your looks are a 10, but your personality is a 3, then you're a 3.
Personality is huge in my book, it accounts for probably 80% of what I look for in a partner.
See the kindness people have to offer, not the pimple on their face.People have a lot to offer, take advantage of that and give them a chance.
Don't judge someone based on their looks. They could be the nicest person in the world, but you didn't talk to them because...they weren't pretty or handsome?
If your looks are a 10, but your personality is a 3, then you're a 3.
Personality is huge in my book, it accounts for probably 80% of what I look for in a partner.
See the kindness people have to offer, not the pimple on their face.People have a lot to offer, take advantage of that and give them a chance.
- Always strive to learn something new or do something new
Everything you do should cater to some higher, better version of yourself. It is easy to fall into habits because they are comfortable or easy or familiar. But we grow by making ourselves uncomfortable. We have to constantly be learning, pushing, smiling as we dig out the dirty parts.
Learning and doing new things will make you a more interesting person not only to other people, but to you as well. The feeling of accomplishment and clarity when you learn a new skill or do something you have never done is amazing.
Learning and doing new things will make you a more interesting person not only to other people, but to you as well. The feeling of accomplishment and clarity when you learn a new skill or do something you have never done is amazing.
- Stick to what you believe
Our realities are created based on our beliefs. If you believe you're worth your space in this world, then you will be. If you believe you can't do something, then you're probably right. In order to create a positive abundant reality for ourselves we have to feel what is in our hearts.
Never go along with what other people believe in order to fit in. It will do you more harm than it will good. If other people doubt you, that's fine, you can easily blow that off. If you doubt yourself by not sticking true to what you believe, that is what is going to stop you.
Your main belief should always be in yourself.
Never go along with what other people believe in order to fit in. It will do you more harm than it will good. If other people doubt you, that's fine, you can easily blow that off. If you doubt yourself by not sticking true to what you believe, that is what is going to stop you.
Your main belief should always be in yourself.
- Trust your gut
I am sure you have caught yourself at times worrying about an outcome of a decision. You ask yourself if this choice is the right one to make. You have to remember to breathe and trust your gut. I think we all can benefit from little reminders like these sometimes. You can't stay the same and expect your life to change. Struggle is the catalyst for growth and growth is never a bad thing. The pressure is good for you. The only way to go is up.
- Never complain about a problem that can be fixed
