Wow, Where Did Time Go

It passed my mind that the other day was Thanksgiving. I didn't miss the tradition... or the food (couldn't have missed that) by any means, but I did miss the mindset.

As I get older and days, months, even years begin to move by quicker; tradition seems to slowly deteriorate into times endless motion. I don't think I am the only one who feels this way and maybe it's just a natural phenomenon of growing up, but I do want to keep some tradition alive. It's hard to catch a break and that's what the holidays are suppose to be; a break from everyday life.

I am thankful for the opportunity to experience life firsthand. I am thankful that there are people out there who willingly choose to put up with my talk about my passion even though it couldn't interest them any less. Those who stay even when I exhibit traits that would qualify me as delusional, aggressive, or just simply insane.

I am thankful for the ability to attend a University and obtain a higher education, having a place to sleep at night, food to eat, water to drink, living in a country with great deals of opportunity just waiting for you to take it.

I am thankful for every smile I get, every dog I get to pet, the change of the season, and the feelings of grandeur I feel every day.

Stop for a second to realize we all have everything we've wanted in life and it's opportunity. Even if the only opportunity you have is to breathe, you have something, you're not completely helpless.

Take the opportunity to tell someone you love them. Take the opportunity to walk outside and enjoy the fresh air we're privileged to breathe.

Take the opportunity to appreciate what you have and be thankful you have it.

Happy Holidays

My Shipwreck Diary

The first part of this Shipwreck Diary was written by my friend David Hughes. The second part was written by yours truly. You should all get quite a laugh out of this...Hopefully.

Part 1: 
By: David Hughes 

[shipwreck diary]
day 1: This place is a wreck

[shipwreck diary]
day 2: It's been almost a week

[shipwreck diary]
day 3: The dude next to me can hold his breath for 3 days. Going on 4. Very Impressive.

[shipwreck diary]
day 4: I finally got to see the inside of a cockpit. Mostly blood and piss. 4/10 would not recommend.

[shipwreck diary]
day 5: My balls are covered in sores. There's no soap anywhere. I haven't washed them in over a month.

[shipwreck diary]
day 6: What a difference a week makes. I can eat LITERALLY anything now, no complaints

[shipwreck diary]
day 7: I keep having the same nightmare. The plane is going down and the guy next to me isn't dead yet.

[shipwreck diary]
day 8:  This reminds me of that slumber party in 6th grade where everyone died from head trauma. They ignored me too.

[shipwreck diary]
day 9:  I found the plane's black box lodged up the pilots asshole. I tried to pull it out, but he was like "NO"

[shipwreck diary]
day 10:  This is now the most amount of time I've spent spooning a corpse.

[shipwreck diary]
day 11: Was it 'robots in the skies' or 'robots in disguise'?

[shipwreck diary]
day 12:  A plane flew over, so I fired the flare gun into my stomach because if I leave here I have to go back to work.

[shipwreck diary]
day 13:  The rescue chopper flew past last night. I think it saw me fucking the life raft and decided to keep going.

[shipwreck diary]
day 14:  I haven't had sex in a week

[shipwreck diary]
day 15: Had to perform a skin graft today. I've sewn 2 kneecaps onto my badly damaged testicles. It's an improvement.

[shipwreck diary]
day 16: Desperately needed company so, like in the movie Castaway, I painted a volleyball onto a dead man's face.

[shipwreck diary]
day 17:  I have sent several SOS messages. One in a bottle, one on a bird and about 30 text messages. So far, nothing.

[shipwreck diary]
day 18:  It's probably been more than a month. All I do is sleep and put objects from the wreckage inside me.

[shipwreck diary]
day 19: A ship sailed past. The guy had an average size dick. For a sailor I expected better.

[shipwreck diary]
day 20:  I have just had the longest fucking nap

[shipwreck diary]
day 21:  The Chinese guy didn't taste anything like I thought he would.

[shipwreck diary]
day 22 2:36pm: my watch survived the crash. 2 of my legs are broken.

[shipwreck diary]
day 23 2:36pm: Time has stopped. Legs still not healed

[shipwreck diary]
day 24: This cheese is ruined.



Part 2:
By: Cody Russell 

[shipwreck diary]
day 1: I'm pretty lucky I found this diary 

[shipwreck diary]
day 2: Saw two corpses spooning, one had a volleyball painted on its face. I also saw some spoiled Chinese food on a rock.

[shipwreck diary]
day 3: My hair is a mess, unfortunately, I didn't have the skill to make a comb. However,  I made a working receiver device and I found a katana.

[shipwreck diary]
day 4: I lost my fucking katana!

[shipwreck diary]
day 5: I found a mysterious hatch today. It says "TO OPEN, PLEASE INSERT KATANA"

[shipwreck diary]
day 6: Note to self: dead bodies make terrible ventriloquist dolls.

[shipwreck diary]
day 7: A whole week already? Wow, time flies

[shipwreck diary]
day 8: Finally, a search team shows up. I had to camouflage my face with mud and hide behind a bush.

[shipwreck diary]
day 9: I found a new place that sand can get into. It's not great.

[shipwreck diary]
day 10: Wireless internet is working. I post on Facebook I need help and explain the situation. 1 like, 0 comments.

[shipwreck diary]
day 11: These months have given me time to think about just how horrible I had it before the crash. 

[shipwreck diary]
day 12: I have created the perfect shelter. A two story house with an ocean view, three bedrooms, 3 bathrooms, walk in closets, and within walking distance of the beach. Also, a large yard which is great for outdoor BBQ's

[shipwreck diary]
day 13: I saw a crab today, it didn't have shorts or a shirt like the one on SpongeBob.

[shipwreck diary]
day 14: I am ashamed of myself for not seeing those banana trees on day 1. I mean, they are right along the beach

[shipwreck diary]
day 15: After over a year on the island, I have the strangest feeling like I should try shellfish

[shipwreck diary]
day 16: Thinking back, I don't even remember getting on a plane.

[shipwreck diary]
day 17: I found my katana, but the hatch is no where to be found.  

[shipwreck diary]
day 18: THAT BEAR GRYLLS IS FULL OF SHIT!

[shipwreck diary]
day 19: Found a time machine with an 18 day limit.

[shipwreck diary]
day 20: That pizza is definitely free.

[shipwreck diary]
day 21: I haven't actually seen any crew members or passengers since the crash and the plane is completely empty

[shipwreck diary]
day 22: What are the odds of that? I found a Blu-ray copy of Castaway

[shipwreck diary]
day 23: I know I built a house and all, but I really prefer my banana leaf bed on the beach.

[shipwreck diary]
day 24: Running out of paper, so this diary isn't going to go on much lon

Places I've Never Been

I wonder, are there places I haven't been that are perfect for me? I understand that this question cannot be answered because it is impossible to visit every place imaginable in order to find out. I am talking about how many states, cities, lakes, deserts, waterfalls, and prairies I will never visit, but would have loved more than any other?  These are the kinds of things that play over and over in my head.

I have never been to any other country except the United States. For instance, Canada. All the towns in Canada I have never been too. However, Canada is so big it would take way too much time to visit everywhere inside of it.

The other day I was thinking about something my Mom told me a couple of times as a kid. She said, "I would like to take a look around in that head of yours." Again, she only said this a couple of times, but it has always been something that just stuck with me for some odd reason. However, I would like to get a chance at that too. As I thought about this I realized that I have never visited my mind. I mean, REALLY visited my mind. I would imagine that it would be a very abstract place. Well, I think anyway. I see it filled with numbers, equations, shapes, words, feelings, and just a huge cage filled with hopes and dreams which I am still trying to figure out. I will never get to truly go and visit my mind. It makes you wonder just how in control of yourself you really are. Is there something greater inside all of us that we don't know about? I wish I could have an "out of body" experience and just take a ride inside the magic school bus and fly inside my body. I will never drive through an ocean of blood or hear what the heart sounds like when it seems like it is the size of a skyscraper. I won't get to do these things because the magic school bus isn't real. Not in real life anyway. I will never go places closer to me than any other.

I have never been to space. I understand most people can say that, but I am only talking for myself at the moment. I have never seen the whole earth from the outside, I will never visit the Sun and be able to touch it, I will never put red dirt from Mars on my face, I will never feel the density of a black hole, I will never leave this galaxy and explore all of the other galaxies, and I will never be near a star when it implodes. I never wanted to be an astronaut, so even the Moon is out of the question. If we figure out the mystery to light travel, then maybe all of that is possible, but figuring out light travel is considered an impossibility such as time travel or parallel universes. So, I won't be getting my hopes up. Due to all of this, most of us won't know what it is like just a few miles beyond the clouds we fly through.

There are many places I will never visit because other people have set up rules making it impossible to go. For example, North Korea and Cuba. I have certainly never been to either of those places. I think this is very foolish. I mean, come on, really? After the world transformed into a sustainable floating globe of water and fire, after volcanoes destroyed cities and formed dirt for us to walk upon, after the first atom bomb exploded making existence even possible, and after understanding how awesome it is just to be alive and breathing air. After all of that, people still come to the conclusion that some places are prohibited because we, who are nothing more than walking globs of watery bacteria, said so. As if we have the authority. We have NO authority. As if we have any say in the universe. Tell a fish it cannot swim where it will.

There are many states that I have never been to. I have never been to Alaska, Hawaii, New York, or even Pennsylvania. However, I will visit every state before I die. Even if I just visit a state for a couple hours while driving to another state. I will get them all. I feel like I am missing out by never going to some of these places. I don't want to be a traveler because you can spend your whole life traveling and miss more than if you had just stayed at home. I want to go places and live my life, but I will not make a life out of going places.

I have not been to the Caribbean or Bora Bora. I am sure they are wonderful and gorgeous places to visit, but you need money to fly to an island for the purpose of relaxing. When I am rich I will go. I say that because it is money that gives a person the luxury to relax wherever they choose. Otherwise, there is TV. I am not saying that in a way to make people feel bad, but watching football on TV is way better than watching it live. So maybe it doesn't have to be that much different for traveling. I wouldn't know.

Anyone ever watch Anthony Bourdain's Balls to the Wall Traveling? He went to that luxury restaurant by Machu Picchu. I have never visited that place. By the way, the restaurant is by Machu Picchu, not on top of Machu Picchu. Actually, I have never been to any of the weird and exciting places Anthony Bourdain has been to. I would love to go to some of them though one day.

All in all, this blog post isn't about going to the Moon, Canada, Bora Bora, or any of the other crap I wrote about. This blog post is about nothing going nowhere, like it always is.

Funniest Things My Professors Have Said

These are in no particular order. I like to keep track of the humorous moments from college. Makes the experience looking back that much more memorable. The following are things my professors have said in class...

1.) Calculus 3 on 3D graphs of hyperbolas: "Use your focus to direct your P"  

2.) From Mechanics (the physics kind): "Mathematicians are too smart... I am not that smart, that's why I decided to be a physicist"

3.) Organic Chemistry: "ahhh... Organic Chemistry... The only place where the question 'where is the chloroform?' is not suspicious" 

4.) Abstract Algebra: "If you were to eliminate all the mathematical proofs out of the textbook, you would be left with the table of contents"

5.) Chemistry 2: "The PH value is 6.66....OH BOY"

6.) Discrete Math: "You literally get 2 points for putting your name on the test"

7.) Economics: "This class is a joke.....so, lets begin"

8.) Electricity and Magnetism: at the beginning of class "You know what? I just want to go home today....see you next week"

9.) Linear Algebra: "I find the best medicine is a big ole' piece of Taffy early in the A.M."

10.) Linear Algebra: "Once when I was hitchhiking through Bulgaria" .......

11.) Calculus 1: "come on guys a squirrel could pass my class"

12.) Abstract Algebra: " I am stalling because the stuff I have to teach you today is boring as hell"

The Best Things On Earth In My Opinion

 These are in no particular order.

1.) Clean sheets

2.) Getting paid for something you like doing

3.) Air conditioning

4.) Chocolate-chip cookies

5.) Doing well on a test you thought you were going to do terribly on

6.) Finding something important you thought you’d lost

7.) Finding something unimportant you thought you’d lost

8.) Love

9.) When a hard day’s work is over and you get some food and take off all your clothes and lie on the bed and watch Netflix

10.) Unfollowing someone on Twitter you never liked in the first place

11.) Fresh fruit

12.) Remembering a song you once really liked, but had forgot, and listening to it as memories come back

13.) Princess Bride -----> "Hello my name is Inigo Montoya, You killed my father. Prepare to die" 

14.) Great Gatsby by Fitzgerald

15.) The feeling after a bunch of errands are done

16.) Crisp twenty dollar bills

17.) The feeling you get after you work out

18.) Honesty

19.) People

20.) Humor

21.) Family

22.) Rare Steak

23.) Acts of human kindness

24.) Pad Thai.... Actually, all Thai and Chinese Food

25.) Road trips

26.) The Symphonies of Beethoven

27.) Music

28.) Road trips

29.) Taco Bell

30.) This mix:  https://soundcloud.com/diplo/diplo-friends-bbcr1xtra-diplo

31.) Lamborghini's

32.) Free samples at grocery stores

33.) Finding money on the ground

34.) Realizing what you want to do with your life

35.) When it rains very hard

36.) Talking in bed with someone you are fond of and who is fond of you

37.) Having confidence

38.) Kids

39.)You

The Worst Things On Earth In My Opinion

No particular order

1.) Hunger

2.) Disease

3.) People who drive closely to the car in front of them for no reason

4.) Stale chips

5.) Most comments on most websites

6.) Candy corn

7.) Peeps

8.) Human trafficking

9.) Any type of appointment

10.) Self published fiction

11.) People who correct you and make sure you know it when you mispronounce something

12.) Chris Brown

13.) Kanye West

14.) People who call themselves "blank" but don’t earn a living by doing "blank"

15.) When someone smells like they bathed in Cologne or Perfume

16.) Rape

17.) Most poetry

18.) White person dreads

19.) Vegan Hamburgers

20.) Anything Daniel Tosh does or says

21.) Jeniffer Lopez

22.) Justin Bieber for who he is as a person

23.) Well done Steak

24.) Having to check a voicemail

25.) Racism

26.) Having the kind of poop where it takes so many wipes

27.) People who talk during movies at the theater

28.) People who kick your seat at the theater

29.) People who favorite everything on Twitter

30.) People who brag about how great their life is on the internet

31.) Not giving tips

32.) Social Anxiety

33.) Depression 

If Only I Knew...

This was very difficult for me to write. I had to think about the last 5 years. I had to really dig deep down and remember some painful memories that I now have. I do have to say that I'm glad I did. Glad I wrote this that is. Here we go...

It takes me awhile to find the perfect girl for me and fall in love, but when I do I fall hard. I am very particular and when I found that special girl I fell without hesitation. We fell in love quickly. I had never felt such a love before for somebody as strong as I did with her. Usually I am a distant person and a person who is very calculated and confined. None of this was out of strategy because it was just who I was. This kept me from love and the ability to really open up to another person. It kept me from intimate human connection.

I could not tell you how quickly I fell in love with her. It all happened so fast I can't even remember it hitting me at any exact point. With her, there was no room for distance or confinement. She caught my attention in a way that no one else ever has. Even to this day that holds true. There was no over thinking, no lingering text messages, no missed phone calls, nothing. Her and I were both fully into it. We didn't even have to speak and we knew everything was alright. We could express our love without using words. I had to trust my feelings over my words. My words were easy to say, but not as easy to act upon. I always felt the strength of her love in a very gentle way. Especially as we would walk through the halls of High School. She never let a moment pass where she did not have her hand in mine. She didn't touch me in a way that was possessive, but in a way that was intimate. A way that was love.

It was a little over five years ago we started going out. I have known her longer than that, at least known who she was anyway. The day I asked her out I thought it was going to be just an ordinary day. I don't know how, but I felt something with her I had never felt before with anyone. I was nervous when I decided to ask her. I have told this story probably 100 times and each time I get this chill up and down my spine. I get this chill because it was one of the best days of my life. The feeling that something pulled us together. The more I think about it, the more I realize it was timing that pulled us together. There were many reasons as to why this relationship would have never lasted, but one important reason why it did was LOVE.

It lasted 5 years and 2 months.

A quote I ran across a few days ago by Emery Allen: "Do you think the universe fights for souls to be together? Some things are too strange and strong to be coincidence."

I could have searched years to sum up the love we had, but these words sum it up so well.  I was sure we were meant to be.

Of all the souls in this world I could not tell you how we found each other. I will never understand why. I know this sounds like a fairy tale and for awhile it felt like one. Ours was a big love. There have been many fights, fears, insecurities, doubts and now there has been a break up. Souls will fight to be together. Fear will fight for them to be apart. One thing is for sure though, it is torture on the heart.

People Will Remember How You Made Them Feel

Every year when my birthday comes around I like to ask myself, "What have I done?" "Am I content on where I am at?" Every year the answer seems to always be, "No." I always feel like I can do more and become more if I just try a little harder or a lot harder depending on what I am thinking. I always feel like I could be further along. Further a long in what? I don't actually know. I constantly expect more and more from myself. My birthday is my own New Years. My birthday is the day I can look back on the past year and determine if I had spent it well or not or weather I had done enough. I have had a lot dreams in my life. I still look upon the dreams of my younger self and wonder if I had met any of them. Growing up, I always attached my dreams to myself for approval and the desire to prove to the world that, not only could I play their game, I could win it.

My life is like a dark ball that I have to hold up to the light in order to really see inside it. I have to really think about it. I have to examine it. I have to find my flaws and the cracks in my life. I am a master at critiquing my life. I compliment myself in some areas telling myself, "good job" or "I knew you could do it", but I also berate myself in other areas. For the many summers I sat on my ass and did nothing. For the times I had a bad temper and punched holes in the doors and the walls. For the times I hung out with "friends" who were a bad influence on me. For the time I smoked. For all the times I made people hurt. For the times I should have kept my mouth shut. You see, I am a true critic when it comes to how I live.

I look at all of this and I evaluate it. I determine if the year had been a good one or a bad one. And whatever I came up with, that valuation would set the tone for this next year of my life. Looking at my life or dark ball, as I call it in the light, I don't see my present self. Instead, I examine based on the unpredictable desires of my younger self. That teenage boy who wanted to fit in during High School and who thought certain friends made him happy. The boy who saw the world in black and white lenses. The boy who thought he didn't deserve love, but had a lot to give. And I still do. Have a lot of love to give that is. I use to see life as nothing more than an attempt to accumulate status, but I realize it is nothing like that at all. I have realized that more in the last week than any other time. I feel awakened. I feel my road to reinventing myself might be shorter than expected.

So, now I need to evaluate. I put myself down or come up with reasons I am not good enough. I am not many things my teenage self had hoped I would become. I am not wealthy. I am not perfect by any means. I am not driving a Lamborghini. I am not living in a million dollar home. I am not done with school. I am not a celeb, a singer, an author, etc. I am not successful in the ways our society has defined success.

However, I am kind. I am a caring person. I am honest. I am compassionate. I am a good friend. I am happy. I know where I am going now. I am helpful. I am certain that my happiness begins and ends with me. I am all these things beyond what I ever thought I was capable of being. I am now present to my life. I am realizing that as I go through the most difficult time in my life... I will come out better than I was when I went in.

I do have some accomplishments to my name. I am in the honors society, I have a college degree, I helped with ideas for an app, realizing that I have a lot more potential than I thought, and surviving abstract algebra. But honestly, none of those things come close to how much the above attributes matter.

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson.

My teenage self did not know that life is not all about accomplishments, but instead life is all about feelings, emotions, and experiences that you have. I will always remember heartbreak, heartache, falling in love with someone, breakdowns, and breakthroughs. The breakthrough part is just coming to me, but I am sure everyone will agree, and this is not just me typing away.  I have learned recently that circumstances and situations, especially the people involved, kind of just fall by the wayside. What is most important in these times is who we are and not what we are. How we lived and not what we did. 

Maya Angelou said it perfectly, “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”

I have the opportunity to make people feel. This comes with being a compassionate person. A good job, nice clothes, etc. However, these things don't make people feel anything. Not really anyway. But Kindness, honorable, loving, helpful, etc. These are things people will remember about you. You are remembered by your impact, not by your car, money, clothes, success, etc. All of these things can be nice, but it is not what defines you by any means. It sure as hell doesn't define me.

I just turned 24, but as I look back on my 23rd year of living, I can say that it was the year that taught me what matters. The year that taught me where my heart really is and what is truly important. The year that taught me how to love fully and how to be the most compassionate person I can possibly be. For that, I would consider my 23rd year of life a success. I have taken this new knowledge into my 24th year. I will now expand these parts of myself in order to grow even more as a person and I will continue sharing the process with all of you.